More about the fears…..from the heart!

There is one huge big difference between the North Pole, etc  and this One Point Zero mission:

In those adventures I was going to be alone, taking on the challenges of Nature’s Most Grand Adventure, in the pristine wild wilderness all on my own. ‘You’ the blog follower came along as an observer and supporter, and my goal was well defined, supported by all, and the route to be taken is virtually known. This is so different:

Both ‘Trumped by Nature’ and the broader One Point Zero adventure are more personal for each one of us, as we have to make a personal stance on the goals / issues. They are Society issues, effecting each one of US. (Even “Sorry, No interest in this” is a stance!) Yet One Point Zero’s goal needs ‘all’ of us to want the same thing to enable us to achieve it. Is that a futile, or impossible goal???

I understand the significance of this challenge but therein lies the huge adventure risk, and fears that churn around within!

A set of fears much greater than the one’s of the Solo adventurer, who only had only ‘Nature’s Grand Adventure’, and himself, to deal in achieving ‘His Goal’.

One Point Zero is an ‘Our goal’ situation, and yet the goal hasn’t been openly discussed, let alone agreed!

These fears within me today, having just gone public with One Point Zero, and now 6 hours from stepping on the ship are about:

Maybe unconsidered rejection, passive aggression and ‘confrontational’ reactions. Fears of wrong judgements being made on my assumed, beliefs, values and motives, with respect to this project.  A fear of the loneliness associated with maybe being ostracised as a radical outsider in my socio-economic group.

A fear of my maybe wrong decision: To passionately pursuing an unpopular, and/or unappreciated activist cause.

The fear that because I have been on a twelve year, radical ‘solo walkabout’, nobody understands my unique transformation from Capitalist to Explorer to Activist. Nobody can see the value of the resultant ‘unique’ perspectives in helping Mankind’s One Point Zero Challenge….

I’ve read a lot about it, but now I’m starting to experience the dilemma of an Activist, and it’s time to once again be courageous in my alone-ness:

The specifics are all new and real fears, within a total new landscape for me, but it feels right, what I have to do, and I’m using my experience of an adventurer to take on the challenge with that mind-set.

For me, Life is about growing and becoming bigger as a person, and I truly do feel that overcoming these fears, by working through the challenges and unknowns as they come up is where my personal growth lies.

I understand ‘life risk’: The huge decision in 2004 and its totally unknown path is valuable experience, and helping me enormously deal with the fears I layout above and feel today. The fear of taking on the huge unknown and the possibility of life ‘failure’…: It’s easy to just stay in the known groove, with no risk, but I need to be living intensely, experience the full range of our human emotions. Also dealing with the ‘successes’ and ‘failures’ because it’s not about succeeding or failing it’s about the journey to what one believes in. Following lies or other people’s definitions of success, maybe be comfortable with the crowd, but is not living authentically and intensely for me.

In sharing my fears, I’m not asking for you to feel sorry for me, give me special treatment, etc, that’s not me, and that’s not going to work:  I’m sharing with you to show you my starting point in all its authenticity as this may help us with this adventure and all its unknowns as we set out together….  Starting with this level of openness we will have a wonderful and rewarding time.

And finally: You may have noticed that I use the word intensely a lot!  Well in Nature all I see is creatures living intensely, not striving for just then happiness side of intensity…. Nature’s Grand Adventure taught me that, and more about all this from the ship!

Pre-adventure Wobblies…..the Mind Games

As I prepare for what could be the ‘rest of my life’ (?) journey as a One Point Zero Activist, I went back to 2010 and my Pre- expedition feeling on my North Pole expedition. The feelings of fear and excitement are so similar, and surprisingly to the same intensity, but the basis are so different:

My blog post back then:

IMG_1055Probably, in anticipation of our departure this morning, I had a fairly restless night, and woke up a bit lonely…that sort of ‘alone-ness’ that I have experienced before, and which is the necessary reality of mentally preparing myself for the hard ‘solo’ personal struggle ahead. While there is lots of emotional support from many (Thanks!) this ‘alone-ness’ is about being physically alone, socially isolated from normal ‘luxuries’, and me being 100% responsible for getting my mind and body to the Pole without help and harm. I found my mind drifting back to some of my previous solo adventures, dwelling on both the very high and the very low spots, and how I rose to the adversities.

Mixedupmast 005adjI even skimmed through my ‘past adventure’ photos and gradually the ‘fear’ transformed into huge excitement and confidence. While the cold of the Arctic and the pulling of a sled are new challenges, I quickly locked on to the ‘strength of mind’ I have built up across many first time, and difficult situations with the diversity of solo cycling, sailing and sea kayaking adventures I have done.

When I looked at it like that, This Arctic challenge is now not totally new and scary, but rather a more extreme version of a well know path for me. That simple twist, removes the fear, and taps into my spirit of adventure and the desire to extend my already honed skills and competencies…… This may however be the most demanding adventure yet! I thanked my ‘lucky stars’ for having the privilege to be able to immerse myself in this experience.

In this world where I am currently ‘playing’, I am intrigued by the discussions that go around whether Everest is more difficult than the North Pole, and what is bigger better, harder, etc…? As a solo sailor, and solo adventurer, I am alone in these circles. Few know the world of the ocean sailor, and even less the perspective of the solo adventurer, these are expedition team people, and mainly mountaineers / serious polar adventurers.

Almost without exception all the people I have met since embarking on this polar diversion, openly state they would “never go solo”, nor see the attraction of solo pursuits. I do understand and respect their perspective, but inside me I know that somehow the solo adventurer is the purist of them all!

After listening to these discussions about which is the hardest, biggest etc, I just can’t wait to put this North Pole team expedition experience into context of my my solo world, and be able to have my measurement scale….

In some ways I feel sad that I have been sucked up into this senseless ranking and in my view ego driven debate. I hope that knowing my own truth will give me the freedom to remain peacefully quiet in the presence of these discussions. ….”

Believe it or not:  This One Point Zero Activist journey is feeling many times more scary, but these past adventures have built inside me courage and determination to stay on the path where the Truths lie…..  

You can read about my Past Adventures here 

‘Trumped By Nature’ The Adventure Begins……

‘Trumped by Nature’ kicks off, but I am still in ‘Work Mind’….

(To learn what the adventure is about, click here.)

My Last South Island Sunset! Never seen one like that....: A single cloud, exactly were the sun set
My Last South Island Sunset! Never seen one like that….

On the day ‘Hillary’ clinched he California Primary, I said goodbye to Nelson, Allone (my yacht and home), my girlfriend Fiona, and set off on ‘Trumped by Nature, alone! I still had some One Point Zero, infrastructure work to do!

IMG_0817
Allone my Home, Golden Bay, New Zealand

I loaded myself and my bicycle onto a bus with destination Tauranga, North Island New Zealand!  There isn’t yet a bridge across the Cook Strait, so it was then ferry to an overnight stop in a very wet and blustery Wellington, before continuing with the bus up to Tauranga.

If I had taken the plane it would have taken me less than an hour and a half! If I had done the ‘real sustainable thing’, cycle and ferry it would have been over a week…. Opening the choices further to The Ultimate Sustainable thing’ I could have sailed Allone to Auckland and then bicycled the short distance to Tauranga. That would have taken a week!  Choices, choices, choices…. For many these aren’t real options, flying is the quickest and easiest….!  Yes, I have been tested already??? But after all I have nothing more to do, than sit on a bus…. Ha-ha, if my life was as simple as that….??!!

Fortunately with Wi-Fi, and all the comforts of Kiwi bus and ferry travel these days, I had a wonderful travelling office that enabled me to ‘pump out’ the raft of tasks in launching the One Point Zero website and e-letter. In addition to the delights of a travelling office, I could also take a break from work and take in the intensity of a very wild windy, Cook Strait, and the very pleasant kiwi landscape as I moved toward my Cap Capricorn, container ship destiny!

 

My time in Wellington was not about restaurants, night clubs, and shows! That’s The Good Life!  I was working most of the time…!  Ha-ha, fun work though!   Yeah, the adventure boy is also now a web ‘designer’, content creator and manager, e-letter publisher, and One Point Zero, researcher, thinker, and also One Point Zero, debater in person! This is the new life as a self-funded Activist!

In this context:  As I challenge paradigms, I sense a scary (for me) part of the move to a One Point Zero life maybe being able to have a meaningful  life, without needing to ‘go much further’ than one’s mind!  Moving into the physical is where our ecological footprint mostly starts growing!

So bring on the virtual world in my open air, solar lit bedroom!  Couch potatoes are in fashion! No TV’s allowed though!  Taking that to the limit, (well not quite the absolute limit!!) the smallest footprint we have each day is while we are asleep, fully ‘stimulated’ in our dream world!  Ha-ha now there are some shattering thoughts hey!!   Maybe that is Zero Point Zero life…Ha-ha!!!

All, ‘not too serious’ Fun, and back to my work so as ‘Not to be Trumped by Nature!’:

Thanks to Charlie and Melissa Evans at Sunroom, Nelson I almost feel qualified now to do the web stuff!  Melissa will be helping with the blogs from the ship, as like many of my past expeditions, I’ll be restricted to limited Sat phone links back to you guys in normal Society!

Fiona, my girlfriend in Nelson is part of my ‘other support’! That emotional type that we all know we need in our lives, and I know I am more ‘demanding’ of when I’m heading out ‘alone’ …! It was hard justifying to her, and maybe even more to myself, my need to take the slow travel choices rather than more time together.

Anyway this is just a pointer to the future inevitable: A download about relationships in the context of adventures will probably be published from the middle of the Pacific on one of the voyages!

From lover support to Luggage:  Travel by container ship is very cool in having zero constraints on  baggage number /size / weight, no X-Ray checks, no liquid hand luggage issues, and with just an estimated ‘day of departure’, I’m working on,  I’ not sure that it is more, or less stress than flying!!

Even with those no limits, I’m packed like I would be for a typical Howard, ‘reasonably remote’, bicycle / kayak adventure. With my canoe and bicycle sectors, that’s what lies ahead, but more importantly: Simplicity and Self Sufficiency is ME, and also I don’t own much more!

I can’t wait to just cycle off the ship in Long Leach California, through the port, and then continue riding to San Diego!  No idea of the roads to take, no iPhone to provide the robotic navigator, no clue how many days the 180 kms will take, or where I’ll be staying overnight? But living intensely I will be, as I find my way to my sister’s place, after turning down her very non sustainable offer to drive up to LA to pick me up!!! ….

To me that’s the fun way, and I have no doubt the journey will produce some interesting characters, places and experiences!  After all finding the unusual, or reporting unusually on the usual is my passion and my new activist work! I even think I’ll be doing some formal, informal surveys to help me understand the state of the nation with regard to One Point Zero awareness.

So there we go, this is ‘all’ the infrastructural stuff now done with, and as I sit here writing this first post, the excitement builds as I feel it is the ‘last one’: The ‘last one’ before I disconnect from ‘normal life’  and can really can start immersing myself in the unfolding of what promises to be a uniquely amazing adventure.

I look forward to once again telling the stories as they happen, so that as you read you feel like you are here feeling it all with me. The downloading on One Point Zero issues as my mind is set off by the adventure experiences. Then the sharing: Your comments and reactions to what you read, how you feel, and what you believe is right for YOU. The sharing of our personal challenges and paradigm shifts in moving to a One Point Zero way of thinking.

This is all where the fun and what ‘Trumped by Nature’ is about!  Let’s go and Do It Now!

PS:  There is a huge amount of building emotion going on inside me at the moment, and I’ll share a bit of that in the next post.